Pruning and create new synaptic connections in that beautiful brain of yours.
1. Make the decision that this will be a transformative exercise. That you will stand up a new person.
2. Sit down with yourself and just feel what you feel and breathe. Can scan you body from head to toe. Any time you have a thought and you realize you're thinking come back to your breath.
3. Open your mind to the fantasies of what you really want - aside from how much money you have now, what your body is like and who you are ... Any time a thought/ feeling of what you don't want comes in remind yourself that you are having the thought and go back to fantasizing about what you do want.
4. Spend a minute or so with each image that arises. Like maybe your mind sees you hugging your grandchild. Let this be far put in the future, after you have accomplished your big goals.
5. Make it real for your body by feeling what it would actually feel like to be LIVING the result.
6. Let the pictures go - throughout the day open to opportunities and act on impulses that come from what was inspired by your vision. You can do this any time.
Loving you, Ellen Pierce 💕 #leadersoftheheart #lovealltheparts
Everyone alive has a biological father.
I have one too. I was hearing the familiar ring of Skype, but this time my body felt heavy and tension swirled in my throat.
“Is there a way I can avoid this call…?” I thought to myself.
But there is another part of me that knows when I choose to show up and face what is bothering me, I allow myself more freedom. I allow the old wounds to be seen and cleared out, kind of like a good dusting in a room full of cobwebs. First the air gets all polluted and musty, but then, when the dust clears, the room sparkles and you can BREATHE!
Not everyone received the holding, love and support that we would have wished from our fathers. The enlightened masculine is a beautiful aspect of humanity that is just starting to come into balance with the enlightened feminine. The enlightened qualities of fatherhood to me are support, kindness, generosity, structure.
Inside, I have an impression of who I wanted my dad to be, and I compare it against who he is.
It is natural to make such comparisons, but the real healing starts when we begin to notice that gap, and allow each other to be who we are. That includes me being allowed to wish things were a little different. It is all workable.
Here is some support for those who need a little extra love on father's day.
1. Feel the truth of your feelings.
In all honesty it was not convenient for me to feel my heart break, anger and sense of lack today. Feeling the full spectrum of the truth of our emotions by sensing them in the body is the key to freedom and a rich life. The trick is to turn towards what is arising and investigate while staying present and awake. When an emotion is particularly stimulated by my thoughts I like to keep my eyes open, and do this work in community if I can. If not in community, it helps to be with a trusted friend or mentor. Someone who will not try to fix or change you but will allow you to be, and hold space for you to feel.
2. Communicate if you can.
For me, it was the pain of many failed attempts at relationship that drove me to connect with my father. I had an intuitive knowing that if I did not clean up my side of the street with him, that I would continue to act out unhealthy patterns with the men I loved most in my life.
Luckily, my dad had recently remarried and him and his wife do a lot of personal work together. I called his wife and set up a time to talk with them. We do it therapeutic style, about one hour at a time. His wife serves as a mediator for our time together.
We have significant rifts to repair, and take care to be very respectful in our communicating. Some rules to stick by include the following:
- Find a therapist or skilled person to mediate,
- Speak in “I” statements - “I feel _____ when you say / do _____. I prefer ____.” It can seem really contrived at first but ultimately prevents more damage.
- Let the other person know what you heard them say. You may be surprised how much you can miss, and how good it feels to KNOW you have been heard and finally, let it be imperfect.
- There need to be room for mistakes. After harm comes repairs. If done effectively, in a way that is safe for everyone, you can become closer for the rifts. Kind of like weight lifting, the little tears make for stronger muscles.
- Set a time to talk free of distractions. Set a max / min amount of time. It's easy to bail out early or get lost in process. A time limit can help with that container.
- It doesn't have to be all heavy. Be you. Make jokes, talk about the ups and downs in your life that you are comfortable sharing.
3. Ask, “How am I holding myself?”
Maybe the most important suggestion is to hold YOURSELF in loving kindness - to find a core of strength, kindness and structure with your own being. To show up for yourself, and to be generous with yourself. Make today a self care day and give yourself what you need. If you get stuck stop, ask what your body needs, keep asking until you get something concrete, and give the body what it is asking for. Today, my body needs more water. Let it be as simple as it is. If you get stuck go for the basics… food, water, connection, sleep, and movement are great places to start. My favorite exercise to remind myself that I am infinitely supported is to lie flat on my back on the earth and saying in my head “I am fully supported. I am truly supported. I feel the support of the floor (ground/ earth etc).”
4. Ask for a message or a paternal ancestor.
I like to call in support from my lineage. I realized I was working almost exclusively with female guides both in my imagination and in life.
Often lineage does not have to mean blood line, although it can be really powerful to just go through and honor each paternal relative that you had contact with in this life, even if they were not what you wanted them to be. I had a really difficult time finding a paternal ally this fathers day, so I ended up working with the qualities of the male bear - fierce, protective and strong.
Here are some basic instructions for calling in your support.
No matter who you are, take the day to contemplate the archetype of the father today. We all have our best qualities and our worst. Feel the feels. Focus on what you want. Live into it.
I have heard gratitude is the highest form of prayer. If you can, give appreciation for the father. In doing so you shine a light on what you want to make more in the world.
Sending you love,
Compassion + Integrity = Powerful Leadership - What's your vision for the world?